学会的东西越来越多，学不会的东西，却还是那一样。有时候的确会憎恨自己为什么到了今时今日，还是学不会那样东西。
是害怕的心理，还是脑袋的笨蛋？
有勇无谋地前进，却不知道原来还在原地踏步，又或者很可能还在搞砸某些东西。由古至今，只有以退为进，是没有以进为退的，看来我是个史无前例的笨蛋。
抱歉的话语，也说过很多遍，如果我自己不再改进，我很可能就会把自己推进死胡同里，进而把事件搞坏。
没想到，最难跨越的是思维障碍。
26 November 2012
19 November 2012
The Nauticalia-Music Never Dies
They are always there. The same group of people, but different types of melodies.
I have been going there since 1st year. Now, looking back, it has been 3 years, since the very first time I paid a visit to them.
I never know what's the name of their group, or maybe I just do not care enough I guess. I know that they normally perform in front of a shop named "The Nauticalia". However, whenever things get pretty stressful or rough, I would take some time out and make a trip to Covent Garden.
Then, walking down the street and you will hear the classical Canon in D played by them. Certainly, you don't need a map. Your ears are the best road map.
Sitting down near the stairways, you will see many people standing there, listening to the classical music jukebox. The hustle and bustle outside suddenly come to a halt.
The best thing is I could sit there for an hour or two, just to listen to the harmonization of their musical instruments.
So, every now and then when I go there, I will donate 1 pound to them, just to keep the music going. Without the passionate buskers, Covent Garden will be so much quieter.
And, the cutest thing is you will see quite a number of old couples, standing there to listen to those classical melodies. Then, they somehow will smile to each other at some point of the songs. Probably, that's how they meet back then, or maybe the songs remind them about some memorable incidents which they have been through together.
When I leave London, I think I will miss the music performers here. The world turns to a kid or an old man when the Nauticalia plays the music.
I have been going there since 1st year. Now, looking back, it has been 3 years, since the very first time I paid a visit to them.
I never know what's the name of their group, or maybe I just do not care enough I guess. I know that they normally perform in front of a shop named "The Nauticalia". However, whenever things get pretty stressful or rough, I would take some time out and make a trip to Covent Garden.
Then, walking down the street and you will hear the classical Canon in D played by them. Certainly, you don't need a map. Your ears are the best road map.
Sitting down near the stairways, you will see many people standing there, listening to the classical music jukebox. The hustle and bustle outside suddenly come to a halt.
The best thing is I could sit there for an hour or two, just to listen to the harmonization of their musical instruments.
So, every now and then when I go there, I will donate 1 pound to them, just to keep the music going. Without the passionate buskers, Covent Garden will be so much quieter.
And, the cutest thing is you will see quite a number of old couples, standing there to listen to those classical melodies. Then, they somehow will smile to each other at some point of the songs. Probably, that's how they meet back then, or maybe the songs remind them about some memorable incidents which they have been through together.
When I leave London, I think I will miss the music performers here. The world turns to a kid or an old man when the Nauticalia plays the music.
16 November 2012
The Artistic Barista
The street was deserted, after a whole night of craziness at Soho. The people who danced under the yellow diamonds and ruby lights were gone, while some of them found the love in this hopeless place, some just got more hopeless.
He went into the alleys of sleepless nights, to see bottles of unfinished beers and hard liquors. The cleaners were clearing the streets while cursing the bunch of crazy, mindless people.
After the alleys, he turned right and finally found the coffee shop that he was looking for.
He went in and saw that the coffee shop is pretty simple and vintage. He ordered a cup of flat white, and sat inside the corner of the shop, while taking out his camera to snap some photos.
And, he began to see that the barista was paying full attention to do some beautiful latte arts. On the other end, some customers drank away the latte right after being served.
So, he asked the barista.
"Hey, uhm why do you put on so much efforts on latte art?"
"So that people don't just drink the coffee, but feel the arts, and most importantly they can taste the arts."
"Well, some of them don't really enjoy the arts before they drink."
"I like to make the coffee beautiful. That's all i care about. ha. Maybe some don't care, maybe some care a little, but maybe, there are some really like seeing a flower and taste the latte, or smile to the smiley face while drinking the coffee."
He walked out of the coffee shop. And he thought that, well, the world is not that hopeless after all, when you are brewing hope in the most unexpected way in life.
04 November 2012
The Haphazard Randomness
What if, the street arts are gone?
What if, the underground tube music performers disappeared?
What if, the skateboarders at London Bridge and Mile End are no longer there?
The weather is turning cold. It's the time of the year again, where the autumn is handing the baton to winter.
The wind is blowing strong, as though it is putting some ice cubes on your cheeks. The pavements near Lexham Garden, which are usually crowded by yellowish-brown maples leaves, are slowly disappearing into raindrops and snows.
After putting yourself through a perfect, mechanical learning system for almost 4 years, you forget to see the world as how it is.
You thought that all people should be perfect. They should be performing at their peak all the time. The pinnacle is the goal for everyone below the pyramid.
Once you arrive at the summit, you don't see the great view under the mountain where previous climbers have told you. Instead, you see a taller pyramid. A higher peak.
Every human being is trained to be a perfect fighter. You can't be unorganised. You can't do things haphazardly.
Then, you suddenly realise, you almost forget the feeling when you float like a butterfly and sting like a bee in the badminton court.
You suddenly realise, the camera lense is full of dust. The beautiful angle which you can capture intuitively, have lost its geometry.
The words in your mind, are no more like pixies which dance gracefully, but are arranged into A-Z in a dictionary, or a thesaurus.
Getting confused in painting, by putting on the colour of imagination on the canvas. And, you begin to worry why this colour is not 98.57% similar to the example.
I am glad that in my fourth year, I begin to see life as a haphazard randomness.
What if, the underground tube music performers disappeared?
What if, the skateboarders at London Bridge and Mile End are no longer there?
The weather is turning cold. It's the time of the year again, where the autumn is handing the baton to winter.
The wind is blowing strong, as though it is putting some ice cubes on your cheeks. The pavements near Lexham Garden, which are usually crowded by yellowish-brown maples leaves, are slowly disappearing into raindrops and snows.
After putting yourself through a perfect, mechanical learning system for almost 4 years, you forget to see the world as how it is.
You thought that all people should be perfect. They should be performing at their peak all the time. The pinnacle is the goal for everyone below the pyramid.
Once you arrive at the summit, you don't see the great view under the mountain where previous climbers have told you. Instead, you see a taller pyramid. A higher peak.
Every human being is trained to be a perfect fighter. You can't be unorganised. You can't do things haphazardly.
Then, you suddenly realise, you almost forget the feeling when you float like a butterfly and sting like a bee in the badminton court.
You suddenly realise, the camera lense is full of dust. The beautiful angle which you can capture intuitively, have lost its geometry.
The words in your mind, are no more like pixies which dance gracefully, but are arranged into A-Z in a dictionary, or a thesaurus.
Getting confused in painting, by putting on the colour of imagination on the canvas. And, you begin to worry why this colour is not 98.57% similar to the example.
I am glad that in my fourth year, I begin to see life as a haphazard randomness.
27 October 2012
October's Thought: Creating an ecosystem of ideas
It's autumn again. The autumn wind whispers, and the maple leaves fall.
A seasonal change of colours, inspires the changes in the mind. Some would say it's a paradigm shift, I would call it an 'accidental autumnal thought'
You know, the beginning of the term of a final year, when everything is not as hectic yet, and you begin to imagine how to do more things with the limited time you have.
Like how you throw a boomerang near the Ayers Rock in Australia 4 years ago, it's time to get the boomerang back and throw it again to other places, before the final year ends.
This time, the boomerang wants to wander more, before it goes back to where it used to be.
It has been quite while, you thought. There wasn't any new experience or ideas to write.
The writing has been dull. How I wish I could find back the oasis of ideas. Therefore, I started to pick up activities which observe the beauty of things.
Like photography and acrylic painting, the two activities which teach you how to find the beauty in something, and capture it.
Or, try to colour some imagination and creativity on it. The core idea is to make something beautiful. And, I think most of the times, we forget to find the beauty of something, in our daily lives.
Well, I hope that those 2 activities will help to fuel my writing, and keep me going with more interesting stuff to write.
17 September 2012
Pictures
You touch the wall, walking down the small lane, thinking of the pictures in your heart.
The finger tips, ignited the flame of thoughts, as they glide through the surface.
A picture that is vivid, yet vague enough; clear but murky, stirring up bits and pieces.
Standing away, running away, not sure what should the body do and it falls.
Falling hard, into a cosy dreamland; flying like a feather, defying gravity.
Newton was laughing at your stupidity, Einstein said you are flying in the speed of light.
Cuz the picture in the heart is travelling in time
Sinking in the ebbs of memories,
Writing down the lyrics of an unknown feeling, under the traffic light, at the crossroad.
-luminodreamer-
15 September 2012
Audition for Life
So, one day, everyone in the town was very excited. Something big was going on.
There was an audition. No requirement, just a desire to win. The prize is a huge amount of money.
Many people went for the audition and went back empty-handed. None of them passed through.
Some of them began to speculate, this was a scam. It was only held for the elites. But, this young kid did not think so. He decided that he would like to go for a try.
Many, including his parents told him it would be a waste of time. Still, he wanted to try.
He went for the audition, and he won.
Many people asked him how.
"This is how, " he continued,
"The old lady asked me one question. 'Tell me a story of your life'. "
"I do not have one. But I always believe in having many small stories instead. The past that you wanted to hide so much. The future you want to achieve so much, and the present that you want to keep, and escape so much. "
"I don't know whether I have one, but I think I have. Mine is pretty ordinary I guess, and not that big to tell, but it's big enough to tell my parents and my grandchildren."
The old lady cried, and gave him the money.
*inspired by America's Got Talent*
There was an audition. No requirement, just a desire to win. The prize is a huge amount of money.
Many people went for the audition and went back empty-handed. None of them passed through.
Some of them began to speculate, this was a scam. It was only held for the elites. But, this young kid did not think so. He decided that he would like to go for a try.
Many, including his parents told him it would be a waste of time. Still, he wanted to try.
He went for the audition, and he won.
Many people asked him how.
"This is how, " he continued,
"The old lady asked me one question. 'Tell me a story of your life'. "
"I do not have one. But I always believe in having many small stories instead. The past that you wanted to hide so much. The future you want to achieve so much, and the present that you want to keep, and escape so much. "
"I don't know whether I have one, but I think I have. Mine is pretty ordinary I guess, and not that big to tell, but it's big enough to tell my parents and my grandchildren."
The old lady cried, and gave him the money.
*inspired by America's Got Talent*
12 September 2012
梦想和事业的对话-不放弃，不退缩。
今天天气比较晴朗，所以梦想和事业都约一约，打算出来咖啡店谈谈天。
梦想：yo! 事业，好久不见，近来无恙吧！
事业：唉，别谈了。老板给压力，累都累垮了。
梦想：那是当然的啦。你不是一早都知道了吗？
事业：知道又怎样。难道你知道驾车会用车油，很贵，你就不驾车，不抱怨吗？
梦想：那倒是。让我告诉你一些事吧。
事业：什么事？我很忙，很累。简短一些，用“三个重点”的方式告诉我。
梦想：你以前不是这样啊？人生的故事和历程，如何用三个重点的方式告诉你呢？
事业：什么事都可以简单都说出来的啊。没那么长吧？
梦想：人生的故事和点滴，重要的是那个过程。就好像你小时候，你听太空人上太空的故事。或者汪洋中的一条船里的主角，又或者我国的科技人，潘建成 （KS PUA）苦中奋斗的故事。若把它们简扼地告诉你，哪有乐趣呢？
事业：我没那么多时间。哪像你，还在读书，有的是时间，精力。做了工，不像读书，开始后，就没有结束。像个吸取所有光的宇宙黑洞。
梦想：我可能不太明白。但是，我能说的是，一天里，好好地发个好梦，也算不错啊。看看朋友的近况，听听一些舒服的歌曲。压力是有，但是不能忘记编制自己的故事。
事业：什么故事？每天都那么累。
梦想：自己的故事。做你喜欢做的事，就是一个故事了。故事不需要复杂，不需要很大。
事业：每天都过着普通的生活，哪有故事？
梦想：故事，只需要真诚和耐心。说的人真诚，听的人有耐心， 就可以了。
事业：哪有那么简单呢？
梦想：想想吧。可能你开车时，听到的音乐；或者和朋友聚餐，谈到的话题；或者做工面对的难题，都可以是自己的故事。没有人可以质疑你的故事，或者决定它有多精彩。因为那是你自己最宝贵的经历。
事业：单纯。。。。
梦想：很多时候，我们忘了，笑对人生，单纯的心，很可能像个笨蛋，但是却是最难能可贵的心态。
事业：如果雨后，没有彩虹，那岂不是很失望。
梦想：雨后有没有彩虹，不是看天，是看你自己的。
事业：哦？？
梦想：如果你心中没有热情，没有太阳，那雨后，又如何有彩虹呢？
事业若有所思，静下心来，开始慢慢咀嚼五味人生里的道理。
01 September 2012
The Rainbow
Never thought of how fast 10 weeks could just pass like this. This is sorta like a relativity concept in between the actual time that has passed and the amount of time you thought it would take.
Yea, so the end. The end of the summer internship. On an eventful day back in Malaysia, a historical milestone for the country and for my own life journey.
Looking back, in hindsight, the journey has been a bitter-sweet and meaningful one. It was pretty tough at first. The environment was pretty uptight. Still vividly remember on the very first day of the orientation, I got told off because I went to the toilet and was 'late' to come in. (because the EMEA Chairman has got into the boardroom before me)
Plus, with all the business and programming training and developments during the first week, I was thinking that how am I going to get through these 10 weeks, given the limited knowledge and experience I had on the asset management industry and programming.
Besides, as interns, we were given a task to form a group of 7/8 people to participate in the Portfolio Management Challenge. Given a virtual fund size of GBP 1mil, we had to come up with an investment strategy to outperform an actual benchmark within this 10 weeks.
Back then, I wasn't even sure that equities = shares, and what index weightings and P/E ratio are.
Well, the rest is history, they said.
The sweetest victory is to turn a doubtful and scary beginning, to a high-octane climax, and to a thumbs-up ending. When you managed to present the fund in front of so many MDs, you know that the late night studies on equities research are definitely worthwhile.
The 10-week would have been more challenging and tougher if there weren't these bunch of interns who continuously cheering you up, and the guidance provided by my line manage, mentor and buddy.
Not to forget my buddy's colleagues. I still remembered that night, on the 3rd of July, when one of them left his work on the desk and taught me about alpha, beta and the concept of outperformance, while he was actually rushing his task to send over to the US people. This was because the 4th of July is the Independence Day in US. (Oh and the CFA notes as well!)
My buddy has been a great teacher. He taught me how we should really focus on the important things in life, to make career decisions. He didn't take up a very lucrative job in an investment bank in the States, but would rather come over to Europe to have a family with his current wife. He recalled his experience back in 2007/8, when Lehman Brothers collapsed, he was overlooking the building from the other side of the street. He saw the throngs of people rushing over to the bank to get their savings. At that moment, he knew that money is not everything. It can come and go anytime, and it's not really within your control.
"Money can only give you that much, what is more important is what can you do with the money?".
And to my line manager, if possible I would really like to give him a toast, over a pint of Becks, or maybe two. The cool lad who does kite-surfing and chess. Without his patience and trust, I wouldn't be able to study so many software development concepts in the team project, and completed a graphical user interface. He admired the efforts I put in and allowed me to put my own signature on that small chunks of codes. It'll be launched globally in San Francisco, London and Tokyo in weeks to come, when everything is ready to get into production.
There are two things that move me to tears. Firstly, when your team member actually sends you a private message to send his gratitude, an acknowledgement of the efforts that you have put in for the portfolio challenge, while what you have done is nothing greater than just 'keep trying and keep going'; and the second one is the review by your line manager.
"It's great to have you here, Peter".
It has been a great 10-week. It really is. I couldn't ask for more.
Yea, so the end. The end of the summer internship. On an eventful day back in Malaysia, a historical milestone for the country and for my own life journey.
Looking back, in hindsight, the journey has been a bitter-sweet and meaningful one. It was pretty tough at first. The environment was pretty uptight. Still vividly remember on the very first day of the orientation, I got told off because I went to the toilet and was 'late' to come in. (because the EMEA Chairman has got into the boardroom before me)
Plus, with all the business and programming training and developments during the first week, I was thinking that how am I going to get through these 10 weeks, given the limited knowledge and experience I had on the asset management industry and programming.
Besides, as interns, we were given a task to form a group of 7/8 people to participate in the Portfolio Management Challenge. Given a virtual fund size of GBP 1mil, we had to come up with an investment strategy to outperform an actual benchmark within this 10 weeks.
Back then, I wasn't even sure that equities = shares, and what index weightings and P/E ratio are.
Well, the rest is history, they said.
The sweetest victory is to turn a doubtful and scary beginning, to a high-octane climax, and to a thumbs-up ending. When you managed to present the fund in front of so many MDs, you know that the late night studies on equities research are definitely worthwhile.
The 10-week would have been more challenging and tougher if there weren't these bunch of interns who continuously cheering you up, and the guidance provided by my line manage, mentor and buddy.
Not to forget my buddy's colleagues. I still remembered that night, on the 3rd of July, when one of them left his work on the desk and taught me about alpha, beta and the concept of outperformance, while he was actually rushing his task to send over to the US people. This was because the 4th of July is the Independence Day in US. (Oh and the CFA notes as well!)
My buddy has been a great teacher. He taught me how we should really focus on the important things in life, to make career decisions. He didn't take up a very lucrative job in an investment bank in the States, but would rather come over to Europe to have a family with his current wife. He recalled his experience back in 2007/8, when Lehman Brothers collapsed, he was overlooking the building from the other side of the street. He saw the throngs of people rushing over to the bank to get their savings. At that moment, he knew that money is not everything. It can come and go anytime, and it's not really within your control.
"Money can only give you that much, what is more important is what can you do with the money?".
And to my line manager, if possible I would really like to give him a toast, over a pint of Becks, or maybe two. The cool lad who does kite-surfing and chess. Without his patience and trust, I wouldn't be able to study so many software development concepts in the team project, and completed a graphical user interface. He admired the efforts I put in and allowed me to put my own signature on that small chunks of codes. It'll be launched globally in San Francisco, London and Tokyo in weeks to come, when everything is ready to get into production.
There are two things that move me to tears. Firstly, when your team member actually sends you a private message to send his gratitude, an acknowledgement of the efforts that you have put in for the portfolio challenge, while what you have done is nothing greater than just 'keep trying and keep going'; and the second one is the review by your line manager.
"It's great to have you here, Peter".
It has been a great 10-week. It really is. I couldn't ask for more.
10 August 2012
I dream a dream
It has been a tiring day, and you can't wait to fall asleep on the cosy bed that sits right across the workbench.
You are sleeping soundly. You arrive at the limitless ground of dreamland that brings back the fragrance of your memories, manifesting like a colourful bubble in your dream.
It's as if you are dancing gracefully in the space, looking for the rationality in the surprise that life has brought to you.
But, you smile at the irrationality, because nothing is prettier than having faith in fairy tales.
The night is dark, cold and lonely. You are as though the little girl who is selling the matches, hoping to light up a flickering flame on the candle, seeking for a warm shelter.
Life brings us patterns that we have no idea how to decipher, because they aren't rows and columns of white pendaflour lights in the office.
You hold on, eventhough it means nothing to everyone, because it means something to the small corner in your heart.
It's like that girl in your dream, that you wanna hug so much till the dawn of sky, and see the sky burns down to a sweet yellow.
And, you wake up.
You see a clear blue sky. The tranquility that cheers you up to a bright new day.
You are sleeping soundly. You arrive at the limitless ground of dreamland that brings back the fragrance of your memories, manifesting like a colourful bubble in your dream.
It's as if you are dancing gracefully in the space, looking for the rationality in the surprise that life has brought to you.
But, you smile at the irrationality, because nothing is prettier than having faith in fairy tales.
The night is dark, cold and lonely. You are as though the little girl who is selling the matches, hoping to light up a flickering flame on the candle, seeking for a warm shelter.
Life brings us patterns that we have no idea how to decipher, because they aren't rows and columns of white pendaflour lights in the office.
You hold on, eventhough it means nothing to everyone, because it means something to the small corner in your heart.
It's like that girl in your dream, that you wanna hug so much till the dawn of sky, and see the sky burns down to a sweet yellow.
And, you wake up.
You see a clear blue sky. The tranquility that cheers you up to a bright new day.
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